Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
