I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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