She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
this just has baby written all over it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let's get the cat blown out
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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