It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
