Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize