But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
