shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
