I think I am morally bankrupt
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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