So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
