I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
