PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
