go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
