she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
