dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
