you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
At least life still wants to fuck me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
