No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
