If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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