it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
