Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
