I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think my vagina is haunted
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
