i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
