Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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