I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
