made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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