I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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