does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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