there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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