She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
