My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
