I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Randomize
