we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
