You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
