I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
