I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize