Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
