i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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