I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
