Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
