It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize