battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
