They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
