She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
