I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
