Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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