You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
