bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize