I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
