Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
