i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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