Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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