So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
