I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
