I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize