Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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