Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
