Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
