put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
