i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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