Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just want to make out with him forever
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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