Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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