I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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