I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
