she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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