Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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