ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
