You smell like stripper and shame
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Watching her eat just hurts me
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We left the knife in your bed.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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