I'm jealous of your bromance
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
