I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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