you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
PANTIES FOUND
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