I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I cockslap morals
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
