one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
