the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
