why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
