I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
