Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
