Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
