I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
